I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
