When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
Randomize
