apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
