haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Randomize