ARI BLEW A 2.0 HAHAHAHAHAHHAHH THESE COPS ARE SO COOL!!!!
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
he said "I would have fucked you in the chipotle bathroom" and I can't get over how awesome that would've been
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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