he wants to bone in the snuggie
Ketchup is God's man juice
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
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