whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
