At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
