Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
