In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
Looking back at our past texts, the minute it turned 2020 you were cleaning your house and I was dying of the cold. We were prophesying the Rona.
Randomize
