My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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