you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
Randomize
