He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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