i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
Randomize
