I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
i'm almost positive she was a dude but like it doesn't even matter
re read what you just said
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
