Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
I needed a test subject that didn't know any of my friends so that if i screwed up no one would really know or spread rumours about how it was the worst bj ever
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
Randomize
