Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Randomize
