This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Just took a shot of tequila with a random guy at the supermarket. Happy cinco de fourth.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
