As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
I have an odd instinct I wont find my underwear tonight
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Randomize
