Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
Randomize
