I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
dream priorities were more important than voting today. don't tell me you wouldn't keep going back to sleep to find out who would win a fight between oprah and godzilla
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
