Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
