if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
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