Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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