dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
We found him. 8 blocks away from the bars and almost at his parent's house. On the verge of tears.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
