My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
Randomize
