And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
