i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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