i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
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