So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Randomize
