I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
Randomize
