No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
