My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
