Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
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