pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
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