I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
I stole a fireplace last night.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Randomize
