im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
Holy sore nipples Batman
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
Randomize
