after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Is it penis luge time yet?
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
