Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize