I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
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