Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Randomize
