My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
So apparently I’m into choking now
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
Randomize
