Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
Pooping to opera.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
