How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
