you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
mom just asked if we are going to need more kaluha as she pulls 5 out of the cupboard. this xmas might kill me
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
