White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
NBC reported that a group almost has enough signatures to submit pole dancing as an Olympic sport in 2016...
God I fucking love America.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
