I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
