Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
