What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
splinters make it hard to masturbate
you inspire me to be a worse person
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I can't take my grandparents out somewhere where I've fucked half the staff.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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