I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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