I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Randomize
