So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
God help them if any millennials are in the vicinity. Rent is too high and we no longer fear death
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
Randomize