i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
I found someone's tooth on the stairs when I was vacuuming, and my sister found a catheter in the men's bathroom... this cleaning job is dangerous
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Randomize
