Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I have poison ivy and a broken finger. Don't have a threesome in the woods.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
