Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Randomize
