You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
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