You really coming over, don't trick.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize
