theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
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