Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
