I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
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