Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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