I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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