Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
I enjoy the company of your penis
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
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