She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
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