He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
