A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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