i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
