For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I think our maternal nature is best focused on grown ass men and cats.
Randomize
