i think my tv is drunk
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
Randomize
