god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
Also, do you think you think his dick is perfect bc you loved him? Or is it actually perfect?
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
