Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Apparently i was the first person to introduce her to her clitoris. Needless to say...they hit it off great
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
