I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
well you can't waste a boner
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
