She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
you kept wiggling your finger at everybody at the party telling us this is how he fingered me. you seemed pretty upset about it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Don't date the locals. They're all tainted.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
