I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
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