did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
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