Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Randomize
