It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i drank out of a bidet.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I still have a little drunk in my system
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
Randomize
