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• (817): View more from Texas

  is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.

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• (973): View more from New Jersey

  There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....

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• (330): View more from Ohio

  I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.

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• (216): View more from Ohio

  you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...

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• (403): View more from Alberta, CA

  That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome

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• (510): View more from California

  Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"

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• (519): View more from Ontario

  she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems

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• (360): View more from Washington

  WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN

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• (253): View more from Washington

  Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.

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• (313): View more from Michigan

  "I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?

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• (417): View more from Missouri

  Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.

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• (415): View more from California

  Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.

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• (310): View more from California

  I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me

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• (720): View more from Colorado

  Can I bother you for a second.

  (1-720): View more from Colorado

  You always bother me but go on.

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