At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Ladies don't puke and tell
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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