You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Wtf happened last night
You traded your bra for a shot so I'd say you probably don't wanna know
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
