but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Sacagawea was the original milf.
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
