I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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