if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
They have beer where we have blood.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
Randomize
