Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I chose not to drink last night but drinking chose me
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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