guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
