Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
