I got us kicked out of the bar because the waitress found me in the kitchen trying to make spaghetti
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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