so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
My mom just told me the story of how she met my dad through prison. How was your saturday?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
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