dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Take my keys. Load me into the vehicle. Drive. Get food. Come back. These are my demands.
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
