you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Are you drinking tequila at 1pm? ...at Disneyland?
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
