so remember that time i slept over and came home in the morning to realize i left my vibrator next to the faucet for parents and brothers to see? this is worse
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
Randomize
