I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
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