he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Ik youre sleeping but fyi its 5:32am I'm sitting in the middle of the road bra less and shoeless with boxers in my hand and no ride. Shits real crazy.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
