She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
