I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
Randomize