you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Randomize