I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
Also thongs make me have to fart a lot.
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
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