dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Randomize
