Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
